porcelain
by intoxicatedclarity
Summary: Bright amber eyes scour the room before landing on deep gray eyes. One glance, one look, one second, one drop of the jaw-that is all it takes for their lives to be intertwined. And so it begins. (SPOILERS CH.42 )


a/n: SPOILER ALERT LIKE MAJOR SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE MANGA

ok, i am crap. this is crap. don't read this mess.

a/n #2: i bumped up all the character's ages 3 years. also, in this fic, training begins at 15 and they graduate at 18. nothing drastic, i don't think.

i don't know what else to say except don't hate me...

enjoy!

::i do not own snk::

* * *

Bright amber eyes scour the room before landing on deep gray eyes. One glance, one look, one second, one drop of the jaw-that is all it takes for their lives to be intertwined.

And so it begins.

* * *

_one._

His eyes lay on her departing figure, his mind drawing a blank and only focusing on the girl that was walking past him. It is fast and quick, the way he immediately runs after the beautiful, mysterious, odd-looking girl. He stutters out that her long hair is beautiful, and receives a small thanks before leaving him alone. It is a short meeting, clearly not going the way Jean wanted it to go, but he doesn't fret.

He runs outside the mess hall, wanting to talk to to her again, only to see that she has met up with that stupid Jaeger boy. AKA the boy that he had just tried making up with back inside.

He begins to loathe the green-eyed freak, especially when he tells her to cut her hair and she _actually_ does it.

Jean tells himself he doesn't care. She was merely just a pretty girl with hair that he had the urge to run his fingers through. He wasn't here for romance. He was here to escape a war. That was his plan, his only plan from the start. He would make sure that it would be executed perfectly, no fuck ups and definitely no girls to meddle with his mind.

If only that were the case.

As time goes on, he is drawn to the unique-looking girl. Mikasa is her name (it rolls off his tongue as if he was born to say it) and Eren is his adoptive brother (little titan lover). He plainly states to Marco that he does not care about that girl and what her family is.

Only he does care. He cares a fuck ton.

Because for some forsaken reason, he can't stop thinking about her. He barely knows her himself, and yet he is bothered by that fact.

It starts to become painfully obvious to the whole 104th that Jean is stupid and lovesick around the beautiful Mikasa Ackerman. He can't help it-he fumbles in his steps whenever she walks by, eats too much when she's sitting near him in the mess hall, blushes bright red just at her accidental touch-all instances making it clear that he was a dumb man every time she was in his vicinity. Even as he continues to deny this fact, his actions explain otherwise.

Months go by, and he is falling for her. Hard.

Mikasa excels in everything she does, beating everyone in any challenge. She passes academic tests with flying colors, and masters the 3DMG with little to no guidance. It's obvious that she is bound to be the top of their class, and even Jean knows it.

He himself has been trying to be up to par with her, but one can only go so far when you're against a prodigy like her.

It is in the middle of July when he gathers the courage to speak to her again.

She is sitting in the kitchen, her legs crossed and her hands in her lap, twiddling a loose string on her maroon scarf. He walks up to her before he chickens out again, sitting across from her as he feels his ears turn red.

Mikasa looks up at him, her eyes shooting bolts up his veins as they stare into his. He tries to hold back a shiver, for it has abruptly become very, very cold.

He suddenly forgets what he was going to say. She patiently waits for him to speak, her calm eyes studying him.

Jean takes a deep breath, and goes for it.

"Uh- um... hi, Mikasa."

He is ridiculous. _Hi?_ That's all he can do?

"Hi."

She is just as timid, her head tilting, still waiting for him to initiate a conversation.

If he had anything to say. What was he even here for again?

"Uh-do you-do you remember me?" he starts off, gesturing to her hair. "The one who said that thing about your hair-"

"That I had beautiful, long hair?" She asks, and he flinches. Mikasa nods, reaching for her scarf again. "Yes, I remember you."

"Oh." He fidgets with his fingers awkwardly as he tries to come up with something, anything to say to her. Jean knew that eventually, more people would come to the mess hall and interrupt this moment. After all, their time was limited. If he wanted to talk to her, he needed to do it now.

"You're very skilled." He blurts, his voice cracking in the midst of it. He curses himself (_why now of all the fucking times?_), and immediately regrets ever going up to her.

Mikasa looks up at the boy who had approached her, her eyes like metal, with her mouth shaped into a form of a small smirk. "Why thank you, Jean." she replies.

His eyes widen in surprise. "You know my name?"

He swears he can see a smile-even if it's only a second. "Of course I do," She says. "You know mine."

Jean smirks. "Well of course I know yours," He says, placing his hands on the table. "You are the only Mikasa I know, the only Mikasa I've ever known."

She shrugs nonchalantly. "You're the only Jean I know."

He chuckles, turning away to avoid her eyes.

Their conversation continues, filled with stupid comments about the weather (when there wasn't even a window beside them), little remarks about Eren (which Mikasa calmly responds with a glare), even going to a point where Mikasa teases Jean's maneuver gear skills, even though he is one of the best in the 104th (not better than her however). They also talk about the branches they plan on joining, even though Mikasa already knows his. It's obvious what Jean picks-the Military Police is his only goal in mind. For Mikasa, it's different, as she has yet to decide.

"I'll go wherever Eren goes." Her answer is plain and simple, yet vague and not clear-cut like all the other things he knew about her.

Jean simply nods to this answer, trying not to let the fact that she mentioned Eren affect him.

After that, they occasionally have small talks during their time as trainees. The awkwardness between them has slightly disappeared, and while it is still there, there is also a sense of serenity that takes his mind off the war when around her. Jean likes the idea of this, the idea of her, taking away the thoughts that linger in his mind (thoughts about titans, annoying green-eyed boys, and home). He feels comfortable around her, in a way that he doesn't feel around anyone except Marco.

After a few weeks, Jean doesn't hesitate in admitting it.

He has a crush on Mikasa Ackerman.

* * *

_two._

Their relationship builds up as the months pass, training ending and graduation approaching. They're past acquaintenses, their daily lives involving little bits and pieces of the other. It's a slow pace for Jean, but he doesn't mind, nor seem to notice it.

In the mornings when the sun has barely risen over the horizon, Mikasa relies on his simple morning greetings to keep her motivated and awake during the day. In the afternoons during breaks, he sits by her in the mess hall and talks to her, learning little things about her without knowing it. In the evenings when they are all heading to bed, he makes sure to tell her goodnight, even though he has no reason to.

Jean learns to treasure these little moments, because whenever she's not with him, she is almost always with Eren.

Suicidal bastard.

Jean talks about her to Marco, sometimes rambling without even knowing it. Marco tells him that he needs to tell her soon, before things get real and they're put on the front lines. Jean snorts at this, telling him that there is no need-they were headed to the Police, where there wouldn't be Titans anywhere near them.

Graduation comes, and as predicted, Mikasa is ranked one. Jean feels as though she is probably too good for him anyway, even though he is the sixth best.

He soon realizes days before the trip to Trost that there is no point in pursuing her. Months of working up the courage to talk to her and daily conversations-and she chooses the Scouting Legion to be with Eren.

Of fucking course.

Even with all that talent, she plans to waste it all by going to her death in the Legion. But, it's her decision, and he has no way of changing that.

Jean reminds himself that his plan this whole time was to go to the Police-that was his plan, is still his plan.

_Wasn't it?_

The next day, they arrive at Trost, one day before he leaves for Wall Sina.

It is in that day that Jean sees more deaths than he never thought he would have seen in his whole life.

One of those deaths including Marco.

He is broken down beyond repair from the things he sees that day, completely lost after the battle.

The deaths of his comrades take an unbearable toll on him, to a point where he decides to choose the Scouting Legion. To fight. To defeat the Titans and take back what they took away.

But it's not easy for him to recover. Months go by, filled with lifeless eyes and dried tears. Nightmares of blood and terror keep him awake at night, staring at the ceiling above him while Eren snores away.

He knows he has practically committed suicide coming here to the Legion. He doesn't even know why he's here.

Mikasa catches him one night sitting alone in the empty mess hall, the moon the only light that shines on her figure. It's late and neither of them should be awake or out of their rooms at this time, but neither seem to care. He doesn't even hide the empty tears running down his face, and she doesn't need to ask what he's crying about because she already knows.

Instead she says nothing, pulling him in for a hug, tip-toeing to accommodate her arms around his neck. He stills, not knowing whether to grasp her with his life or keep his arms by his side. He's craved her hugs for so long, but now that she's here, he doesn't have a clue what to do.

Slowly, he brings his arms to wrap around her body, holding her tight.

They don't exchange words as he cries into her hair. He does not care that he looks unmanly and weak. In a world like this, he didn't care at all.

Her voice is small and quiet, so low that Jean doesn't hear her at first. "The world is cruel, Jean."

_Hell yes it is._

"I've lost people, too," She explains, her arms still wrapped around his neck. "I've lost people too."

"Who?" He asks between small sniffs.

He can feel her stiffen at his question, but it quickly disappears as if it never happened. She sighs, her breath shaking and her hands clutching the back of his shirt tighter.

"My parents."

She doesn't say anything after that. She doesn't need to.

It is the first time she's opened up to him about her past. He doesn't push it, for they are all currently suffering from what had happened.

Unlike him, she is better at hiding her sorrow.

He doesn't remember when she lets go, nor when they both leave. The only thing Jean remembers is holding her in his arms to keep himself sane, to keep himself going, to keep himself somewhat alive.

It is the only thing he can do.

* * *

_three._

Jean is 19 when Reiner and Bertholdt kidnap Eren and the whole military is sent to save him. Jean is angered by every little thing that has caused this mess-the fact that Reiner and Bertholdt are the fucking armored and colossal titan doesn't sit well with him. Plus the fact that Eren was kidnapped (how did he even get himself in these situations), and that Ymir is a titan too, escaping with them as well.

He feels as if he is cursed to be in the 104th, for every one of them apparently has a secret ability that could either make or break mankind. He still refuses to believe that any of this is true.

Not until he sees it for himself.

They are horribly outnumbered during the battle to save Eren, and Jean begins to believe that they might not make it back. Commander Erwin has lost an arm, Eren is still in the possession of the two traitors, and he can feel his energy depleting faster and faster.

All this work, just to save that stupid titan boy that humanity needed desperately.

Jean is riding his horse alongside the rest of what remains of the 104th, trying to reach Reiner, when it happens.

Right before his eyes, Mikasa mistakenly flies right into the hands of a titan, who immediately begins to squeeze the life out of her. He hears bones crack amidst the chaos unfolding around them, and he doesn't even think.

"Mikasa! SHIT!" he yells frantically. "_YOU BASTARD! LET GO OF HER!_"

Jean doesn't even notice he's stabbing the eye of the titan until he feels blood splatter over him. He doesn't even give a fuck, looking over to where Mikasa was to see that she was still alive, but in no means capable of moving. Yet, she still goes on towards Eren with whatever strength she had left, going forward as if she was perfectly fine.

He doesn't hesitate to follow after her. Who knows what would have happened if he wasn't there to save her?

She would be dead and gone.

_Just like Marco..._

Jean shakes the thought out of his mind, and continues on. He can't think about that kind of thing right now, when others were dying around him.

Eren is saved from the bastards, but nobody gets to celebrate. The losses in this fight were the worst out of any other battle they've fought, smiles nowhere to be found as they make their way back to the HQ. The death toll was the highest, mostly from the Military Police, and there was no time to mourn.

All Jean wanted was to sleep it all away.

Two nights later, the Legion has settled down from the previous state of emergency they were in, and Jean has somewhat caught up in his sleep. There is no snoring Eren to keep him awake, for he is still in the infirmary recovering. Jean doesn't complain.

He hears a knock on his door that night, and he reluctantly answers it, opening the door slowly in his groggy state.

He is met with jet black hair and deep charcoal eyes.

His heart skips a beat as he immediately swings the door open for her to enter.

"Mikasa," he says, "What are you doing here?"

She shrugs. "I just got out of the infirmary and I wanted to come here."

He raises a brow, noting how she was injured pretty badly. "Uh, Mikasa," he watches her struggle to walk towards him. He immediately grabs her hand and helps her walk. "Shouldn't you not walk around? Your injuries-"

"I'm fine." She replies, her trademark statement meaning nothing to him as he continues to hold her waist, guiding her inside his room. He leads her to his bed, telling her to sit. She doesn't argue and does so.

Jean stands back and leans against the wall beside them, watching her intently. She isn't wearing a scarf, which is definitely a first.

"You okay?" He asks out of consideration.

"I'm fine." She repeats again. _Of course she was._

Jean sighs, rubbing his face. "So what do you need?" he asks. She did come to him, after all.

She reaches up to her neck, imitating the gesture of grabbing her signature scarf, only to realize that it's not there. She stills, avoiding eye contact and twiddles her fingers instead.

"I..." He sees her blush, almost as bright as her nonexistent accessory. "I-I just... I just wanted to say thank you."

That was unexpected. "For what?"

Her cheeks flush even more, and Jean is absolutely certain that she is doing everything she can to not look at him right now.

One of the strongest soldiers in the Legion, and yet she can't look him in the eye right now. Interesting.

"For... for saving me," She responds, "For getting that titan to let go of me."

Jean rubs his neck awkwardly, now looking away from her. "Uh... Thanks..." He says softly.

"If you hadn't saved me, I wouldn't have saved Eren." She states, and he blatantly ignores how she's mentioned Eren again. "And I would probably be dead right now. And... just thank you." She finally looks up at him at the same time he looks back at her, and their eyes lock into a stare.

He doesn't look away. "You don't need to thank me, Mikasa," He says, standing up fully and sitting beside her. "It's just me. I'll always have your back."

_I'll always protect you._

"No," she lays a hand on his. "I need to. You didn't have to do that for me... but you did. And I'm just... very thankful to have you."

He chuckles, holding back a snarky comment (because it was Mikasa). "Well, you're welcome," He grasps her hand fully, nerves gone. "I would do it again if I had to. I wouldn't even think twice about it." He squeezes her hand, "You're not dying on me, Mikasa."

"Jean..." She turns away from his gaze.

"Somebody's gotta protect you while you're protecting your stupid brother."

Mikasa looks back at him with a smile on her face. A smile. A legit, bright, beautiful smile.

"Well then I'm glad that it's you." She says before she presses her lips to his cheek.

It barely even lasts a second, but to Jean it feels like forever.

"Thanks again, Jean." She says before she gets up and begins to waddle back to the infirmary.

Instead, however, Jean stands and grasps her wrist, gently tugs her back towards him. She gasps and is about to speak when he presses his lips to hers.

It's short and sweet, and far too brief for Jean's liking, but he pulls away so that she doesn't get angry. Her face is filled with surprise, but he quickly speaks before she can sprint off.

"Sorry, ah..." He nervously looks away. "I just... I had to do that."

Mikasa grabs his chin and turns his face to look at him. "Why?" She asks, not out of anger, but out of wonder.

He breathes heavily through his words as they spill from his mouth, unable to control himself.

"I thought I was going to lose you."

He couldn't hold back anymore. He couldn't keep it locked away inside his mind forever. In their world, there was no time for secrets. No time for words left unsaid. No time for the untold.

"I thought..." He runs his hands through his hair anxiously. "I thought you were going to die. I thought I would never see you again." He looks at her. "I thought you were dying right in front of me and all of this flashed through my head in less than a second." He meets her eyes straight on, his heart blazing. "I thought you were gonna die and I wouldn't get the chance to tell you-and I didn't even think twice about killing that titan."

She doesn't comment, waiting for him to finish, always patient to hear what he has to say. He turns away from her, unable to look at her because he was spewing out words a mile a minute and now he was unstoppable.

"Mikasa... I thought of Marco... Marco..."

She lays a hand on his shoulder from behind, her head coming to rest on his back. He still continues to talk.

"I thought of him and how he's gone... and how I am now.. and just..." He rubs his face with his hands, sighing. "Goddamnit Mikasa I can't lose you."

It's silent for a long time, and he doesn't know how she is reacting to this. His back is turned on her and he's scared to turn around.

After a moment, he hears her sigh and then she tugs his sleeve, gesturing him to face her. He turns and sees her looking at him intensely. He is distressed and nervous all over again, and he can't breath, but just looking at her seems to calm him down.

She raises a hand to his cheek, cupping it softly as her mouth parts slowly. "You won't lose me, Jean." She says simply, bringing her face closer to his. "I'm not going anywhere."

She initiates the kiss this time, pulling him closer to her and wrapping her arms around his neck. He kisses her back, his grip loose around her waist to avoid hurting her ribs.

He promises himself to never, ever let go of her.

* * *

_four._

Two years pass, and things have changed dramatically. Eren has almost mastered his titan powers entirely, but the power to harden is still not yet learned. But while he lacks this ability, he still has managed to excel in everything else, not to mention the fact that he can command the titans and does exactly that, giving the Legion a huge advantage as their journey outside the walls increase in danger and numbers.

Jean is still not used to every mission outside the walls. No matter how many times he's ventured out, there is always a fear that something disastrous will occur. And he has every right to feel that way.

He's lost many comrades, too many to count. Most of what remains of the 104th is still here today, but it's few. Very few.

As time has passed, Jean's strength has grown, enough to where he can witness a death and not even bat an eyelash.

Some people say he could be the next commander, and while that gives him pride, it also gives him a feeling deep in his gut that makes him want to curl up in his bed and never see daylight again.

Is he that cruel enough to bear such a responsibility?

The bed he lies on shifts suddenly, a body turning towards him and nestling on his chest.

He is brought back to reality when he is smacked upside the head. "Jean." She chuckles. "What's on your mind?"

Jean shakes his head, bringing him back to present day. He is laying in bed beside his lover, her black hair spread out across his pillows and arms laid on top of his chest. Her body is splayed next to his, her forehead rested neatly under his chin.

He seems to forget that this is real-it's not a dream anymore.

Jean shrugs, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer. "Nothing," He smirks as he runs his fingers through her hair. "Just thinking about..." He shifts nervously. "Uh... You."

He was never good with words around her, and frankly, she wasn't either. But they both knew enough of each other to know that he was lying. But she doesn't push it.

Mikasa rolls her eyes, smiling. "Of course you were."

A year of stolen kisses, longing glances, and secret hand holding had gone by before they became a public thing. Everybody knew that they were a couple and it took at least three months before Connie and Eren were able to quit messing with Jean over why she picked him.

Honestly, he still didn't know how he was able to get her. Not that it matters now, when she is in his bed and is cuddling with him. That's all he needs to be happy.

They can make jokes and make fun of him, saying that she deserves way better (which she probably does), but he won't care, because at the end of the day, she's in his arms and not in anybody else's.

Jean yawns loudly, slowly sitting up and taking her with him. She groans and sits beside him, glaring at him. He laughs and presses a kiss to her cheek.

"It's getting late, now," He says, rubbing his face. "Maybe we should... get some rest."

Mikasa quirks a brow, her expression changing as he stares back in confusion. "Or maybe we shouldn't."

Jean's eyes widen. "Huh?"

She fully smirks now and pushes him on his back while she climbs on top of him. His cheeks flush and he can feel himself heat up. _Holy shit_.

Mikasa leans down and breathes into his ear, her hands pressed against his sides. "I don't want to sleep yet, Jean." she simply states.

It suddenly becomes unbearably hot in his room.

Jean gulps, the air around him very tight. "Uh-then-" She shifts her body slightly and he represses a groan. "Let's not, then."

Neither of them had ever talked about... whatever they were doing right now. It had never really come up. Sure, there would be times when they were hungry and needy for the other, lust filled kisses and heavy make outs involved (which Jean is always welcome for).

But this... This is new.

Even though they've been together for quite a while now, Jean is always hesitant, waiting for her to initiate this for them. When she was ready, he would be.

And that time seemed to be tonight.

Mikasa sighs, her hands rubbing his sculpted arms hidden underneath his wrinkled shirt. He notices that she is nervous, too, her breath shaky and her eyes avoiding his.

"Do you want to..." He trails off as her eyes dart up to meet his.

She presses a light kiss to his lips, asserting her confidence again. "Yes." She answers. "Yes, I do."

Jean smiles at that, his hands coming up to grasp her hips. "Are you sure?"

Mikasa nods, snapping her hips to meet his and eliciting a small moan from him. "I'm sure, Jean." She announces, never backing down from a challenge. "I want it to be with you."

Jean finally takes this chance and kisses her in response, pressing her closer to him before flipping them over. She lays on her back and moans as he presses butterfly kisses on her neck, descending downward as he unbuttons her shirt. She does the same with his, ripping it open and pressing her cool hands on his warm skin.

Their first time is messy and quick, not like either of them imagine it to be. Jean doesn't last long-both expected this-but to his surprise, Mikasa doesn't, either. It hurts her as equally as it pleasures her, but she doesn't seem to care when Jean wraps his arms around her. His skin is marked with cuts from war and now from her, along with mussed hair and bruised lips that match hers.

She falls asleep quickly after, and he, too, falls into a dreamless state. When they wake up, they continue where they left off, and they both agree that it's much better than the first. She is on top and he watches her ride him, and he doesn't even care that he doesn't last (again). He is hers, and she is his, and nobody else gets to see her like this, nobody gets to see her beauty in the dark.

Nobody gets to see how perfect she is to him.

"I love you," He mutters in his sleep, not realizing he has said it out loud until he feels her stiffen.

A quiet moment passes, before she kisses him, a grin spread across her lips. "And I love you." She replies with the same words, and he can hear his own heart pound into his chest, ready to explode.

In the morning, he wakes up to pale skin and a smile that is able to give him enough energy to get out of bed, even at the most ungodly hours.

It's all he needs.

She is all he needs.

* * *

_five._

At 26, Jean is the newly named Commander of the Scouting Legion, along with the highly ranked Corporal Ackerman. What's left of the cadets in the Legion are now named veterans, and with more than 10 years of service in the military, they desire peace more than ever. War is a daily topic in their lives and humanity is still fighting. Still determined to win. Still hoping.

The new cadets are always curious about the relationship between the commander and the corporal, and Squad Leader Jaeger is always happy to extinguish these rumors-"It's none of your business, you little dipshits!"

And to be honest, nothing has really happened between them for the past few years. Yes, they were dating, and yes, they were in love. All of this was established long ago and it was a known fact.

They've been together for six years, and through these years they've memorized each other by heart, knowing each other inside and out. They were the only ones to have lasted this long, when everybody thought they wouldn't

So of course, the idea of marriage was there.

The first time it's mentioned was a few nights before they both moved up ranks, during dinner in the mess hall with their friends. Connie was talking about how Erwin and Hanji had married and finally settled down, when Sasha popped the question.

"So when are you going to ask her, Jean?" she blurted without thought.

Both of them blushed, unable to look at the other, and Jean didn't know how to respond. "Um... I..."

Luckily, Eren was there to save them from the unfolding awkwardness. "Sasha, you don't ask the guy that kind of question when the girl is right next to him!"

Sasha giggled, waving her hand in defense. "Sorry, sorry! I wasn't thinking!"

"You never are, potato girl."

"Okay, can it, baldie! That was years ago!"

Eren had glared at Jean right after, sending him a look that said _you owe me one_.

And he did, for he was standing here at the side of the room she was in, his right hand in his pocket, thumbing a tiny silver ring. It wasn't anything special at all, nowhere near as beautiful as the ones in Sina, but this was all he could afford, and he barely had time to look for one anyway. It wasn't the best, but it would have to do. Mikasa wasn't one for the fancy things, anyway.

Jean took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself down, before opening the door and walking in.

The room was filled with the stench of _boy_ and people working out, lifting weights and using the makeshift machines to train. The girls were in the corner watching the guys work out, and while he noticed them looking at him, he didn't even acknowledge them.

Everybody knew that Mikasa and Jean were solely and utterly tied to each other and only each other, but it didn't stop new trainees from giving the commander lovey-dovey eyes, or from hearing the younger boys whistle at their corporal's toned body.

Jean wanted to punch them in the gut for that, but as commander, he manages to repress this... most of the time.

Unfortunately, this moment is not one of those times.

He sees his girlfriend (a word he's still not used to saying), currently lifting weights with no shirt on and black, skin-tight shorts, giving him and many other interested boys a look at her glorious body.

Jean doesn't like it one bit.

He marches up to his lover and stands beside her as she finishes a set of lifting. He crosses his arms and clears his throat roughly. "Corporal." He says.

Mikasa sighs, sitting up, her body glistening with sweat. She raises a brow at his tense position. "Jean." She replies in a regular tone, completely disregarding his rank.

Jean huffs at her lack of clothes. "Corporal, please put on a shirt," He nervously commands as he runs a hand through his unruly hair. "And... also pants. Pants would be good, too."

Mikasa stares at him with a blank face and a tiny, tiny smile, one that wouldn't even be noticeable if he didn't know her well enough. "Jean, I'm working out." She counters, crossing her arms. Jean watches her every move. "I want to be comfortable. And, I'm really hot." She gestures her arms to the air around them, summer heat and all.

"You can be comfortable in a shirt and pants," Jean argues, his hands clammy. "And Mikasa, you're already hot enough. You don't need to take off your clothes to prove a point."

She glares at him. "I'm not trying to prove a point."

"Then put on clothes." He orders.

"I already have clothes on, commander." She grits out.

Jean sighs tiredly. "Mikasa, I can't fucking propose to you in an outfit like that." _Oops. Too late._ "So please, help me out, and change your goddamn clothes!"

Once again, the commander has said too much. The whole room goes silent as people watch their commander and corporal stare at each other in awe.

"Wait, what?" She asks in surprise.

_Fuck._

"Um-Uh-" He stutters nervously, becoming the stupid 15 year old Jean again. "Fucking-fuck."

Mikasa stands, getting a better look at him, her eyes wide with surprise. "Say... say that one part again." She commands softly.

"Um... fucking fuck?"

"No, not that part, idiot," She slaps his shoulder. "The other one."

He gulps, changing the subject quickly. "Put on your clothes." He says sternly, his voice wavering throughout.

She doesn't argue, throwing her discarded shirt on and crossing her arms, waiting for an answer.

Jean suddenly becomes shaky, and his knees feel like they're about to fail him.

He is the fucking commander, and yet his cadets are watching him as he practically falls apart at the hands of his girl.

"Jean," She taps her foot impatiently. "I'm waiting."

He shakes his head. "Right, right."

"What do you want, commander?"

She's throwing his rank name, and that only implies that she is getting angry again. He doesn't let any more time pass and immediately kneels down on his right leg. He stumbles halfway and almost loses balance, but gathers himself in the same second. Mikasa's eyes widen again, her hands coming up to cover her reddened cheeks.

Jean can feel the sweat on his forehead, but he doesn't care. "Shit." he mutters, as he pulls out the ring in his pocket.

He can hear Eren and Armin running inside the room hurriedly ("It's happening! It's finally happening!" "Why the fuck did he not warn us!").

The whole room is silent as Jean takes a deep breath. "Mikasa," He starts, holding the ring in his hands. "You know I'm not good with words. I've never been good with them. And I really hate doing this, but I know I need to to get you." He looks at her. "I only want you. I've always wanted you, and now I'm asking to have you for the rest of my life." He can see tears falling from her eyes, but he doesn't stop.

"You have always been there for me. You are my best friend, my girlfriend, the love of my life. And you are our corporal, the Corporal Ackerman." He stills. "But I don't like the sound of that."

She raises a brow at this. _Fuck,_ he thinks. _Wrong words._

"I mean, I love your name, don't get me wrong. Ackerman is a beautiful name, yes, but-" He looks deep into her eyes as he speaks. "I'd rather it be Kirstein instead."

A wide grin spreads across his face, and Jean chuckles. _Nailed it._

"So, Mikasa Ackerman," He raises the ring to her. "Will you marry me?"

She doesn't even hesitate to answer, throwing her arms around him without even grasping the ring. "Yes, you idiot!" She yells as he almost falls over from a heart attack. "Yes, yes, yes!"

He hugs her back just as tight, standing up to spin her around. The whole room explodes into sounds of congrats and claps, along with girls crying over their tied-down commander. Jean raises a fist in the air in triumph. He finally has her, forever.

He slides the ring onto her finger, tears streaming down her face the whole time, before giving her a full kiss in front of everybody. He hears the screams of Connie and Sasha-"She said yes!"-and smiles. He wipes the happy tears off her face and laughs, feeling the happiest he's ever felt in a long time.

A quick celebration of their engagement delays their next few missions, but that doesn't stop the couple from wedding and finally being together as husband and wife. The love story of the commander and corporal are spread throughout the cities in the walls, a love that was still strong in a world where there was no happiness.

But there was happiness.

It was with her, with Mikasa, with his wife. He didn't think he would find it in this life, but he does.

He finds happiness in this cruel world.

* * *

But like they say, all good things don't last.

It only lasts three years before it all comes crashing down.

Jean is there to see it again, see her almost die again, see her eyes lose color again.

Only this time he doesn't save her.

It's too fast, too quick for him to process. The deviant is crazy, smashing people left and right against the bark of the giant trees around them.

One of them including her.

He is there when she is crushed by the titan foot, her body splayed against the tree like a bug squashed. There is blood, so much blood, but it's not the titan's blood. It is hers, and now she is lifeless in his arms.

He had killed the titan faster than she could kill 20, blades slicing through flesh so deep the neck hung off. He doesn't give a fuck, flying towards her and screaming her name in a clouded frenzy.

She is too far gone to respond to him, her pulse silent and her eyes wide open. He is hysterical, bursting into tears, a state that no one had even seen him in, no one but her, and now she is gone.

The state of the Legion is in an emergency, and Eren has to pull Jean away from her corpse. Armin is clutching her lithe figure with tears, but he quickly wraps it as if to stop the blood from spreading on their clothes even more.

Her blood, her blood on his clothes, her inner being spread out across the crimson grass-

Eren and Jean are silent on the way back, Armin having to take the lead in order to get them back home. Jean is too unstable to lead, he says.

The corporal is gone, and everybody is mourning over the loss of her and the other soldiers.

Jean stares off into space, his eyes resting on the body bag beside him. He doesn't look anywhere else.

He didn't even get to say goodbye.

* * *

_one_.

The door opens with a bell dinging, signaling the arrival of another intern. The woman at the counter takes one look at the man walking in, before looking back down, knowing that it was another interview.

It's approximately 8:58 AM, two minutes before Jean would have been pronounced late. He had made it just in time, clad in a newly bought button-down with black slacks and shined shoes. He's fixed his hair to look somewhat proper, and he's also managed to freshen up.

"Are you the other 9:00 appointment with Levi?" The girl asks. Jean nods, fixing the tie that he had on.

"Take the elevator to the 3rd floor and take a right. It will be the first door you see." She orders blankly, waving him off.

Jean makes his way to the elevator, going in and watching the metal doors slide closed. The elevator goes up one floor and then stops, opening up again to let another passenger enter.

Jean stares at his reflection in the mirror beside him, noting how dashing he looked today, before turning around and looking at the person beside him.

His eyes widen immediately. _Whoa._

It is a woman with long, black hair that shined in the elevator light. Her stature is shorter than his, but certainly not small. He notes that she has curves, and is entranced by her dark eyes, taking her all in in less than a few seconds.

"Hey." He blurts out. She looks up at him, gray eyes meeting his amber ones.

"Hi." She answers, bringing the papers she was holding up to her chest.

"Um-" He doesn't know what to say, scratching his head. "Do you work here, by any chance?"

She shakes her head, looking in the mirror beside her and fixing the crimson scarf wrapped around her neck. "I'm here for an interview actually." She answers with a fixed, calm voice.

He raises a brow. "Oh," He says. "Me too."

She fixes the white dress she is wearing, smoothing it out with her hands. "I know," She states. "I can tell by your outfit. Very spiffy."

He chuckles, tugging his tie with pride. "Why thank you," He replies. "You don't look so bad yourself."

"Thanks." She tugs her scarf up to hide her flushed cheeks.

Jean smirks. "What is your name?" He asks, curious of this beautiful girl beside him.

"Mikasa," She answers, looking back at him. "Mikasa Ackerman."

His eyes widen, vague images of blood and giants flashing through his mind before being replaced with empty thoughts. It's too fast for him to dwell on it, and he clears his throat.

"Mikasa Ackerman," The name rolls off his tongue perfectly. She takes note of it. "Pretty name for a pretty girl."

He watches how her blush deepens even more, turning away from his gaze.

_She's a cutie_. "I'm Jean Kirstein." He says.

He sees a look spread across her face at the mention of his name, but it disappears quickly. "Jean Kirstein." She repeats slowly.

Jean feels confused all of a sudden, but he doesn't understand why. He decides to push these thoughts away, instead holding his hand out towards her, ignoring the nervous feeling inside him.

"Nice to meet you, Mikasa." He says, giving her a smile.

She grabs his hand and shakes it firmly, smiling back at him beneath her scarf. "Nice to meet you."

Their meeting is stopped short when the elevator opens abruptly. They nod off at each other as she walks out, before suddenly turning towards him.

"I guess I'll see you around, Jean Kirstein." She says his full name and earns a smirk from him.

"Goodbye, Mikasa Ackerman." He replies with a humored tone. They both knew they would see more of each other here. He knew he would see her again.

This was definitely not the last goodbye.

The elevator closes and he watches the way her hair swishes as she walks away.

Kind of like the way it did before...

_Before? Before what?_

He shakes his head, more confused than ever. The hell was wrong with him right now?

Jean still doesn't think too much about it. It's probably just his nerves for the interview with Levi. He tries to think of ways to calm himself down in an attempt to collect himself.

So he thinks of her.

_Mikasa Ackerman..._

The name sounds all too familiar, but at the same time not at all. But it doesn't matter to him.

Jean just hopes to see more of her, of that girl with the beautiful, black hair.

_I'll see you again... One day..._

* * *

a/n: shitty ending omg i'm sorry. I'm so mean to Jean. i originally planned this to just end bad with no happy ending, but jean is my fav character and i love him so much so i took pity on him. the poor thing. he is my baby boy. he deserves some love gdi.

let me know what you think!


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